I want to offer an idea. This idea is not unique, nor is it profound.  It is soft and it is small, but if you let it rest in the fertile soil of you mind, perhaps it will grow into something amazing.  

Excess is the measure of success: but it doesn't have to be.

If your monthly bills are $3,000 dollars a month, and your house brings in $3,000 dollars, why do you feel the need to work more? I say, it is because we are not satisfied with having what we need.  We would feel better if we made $5,000 dollars a month. What is the difference between making ends meet, and making ends meet? In this example, the only difference is how much cushion we have. Cushion, in this context, is the measure of comfort we enjoy while still doing what we have to do. If you sat in a chair made of iron with no cushion all day, you would not feel very comfortable, though you still have a place to sit and avoid the strain and exhaustion of standing. But if you sat in a chair with 2 inches of soft and supportive padding, you would feel more comfortable. If that same chair had 20 inches of padding, you would feel even more comfortable. This difference between comfortable and not comfortable is what we have termed, “first world problems”.  These are issues that have nothing to do with sustenance, safety, shelter or primal needs; but everything to do with social hierarchy, personal satisfaction, and cultural expectations. 

Do you want a bigger car because every day you are responsible to transport more people then the number of seat belts your current car has?  Or is it the idea of being able to transport more, if you needed to, that makes you feel successful? You now have a new car as a resource you don’t regularly need. That is cushion. Do you want $100 at the end of the month to save, or $600. Even though you don’t need the money, to have it just in case would be nice. This is a cushion.  Do you want that 5 bedroom house on 2 acres just in case people want to spend the night? That is cushion. The bigger the cushion, the bigger success you must be.  For the more capacity you have for more, then the more successful you are perceived to be. 

But there is a cost to such a life style. Some families accomplish a home and school and food every day for $40,000 a year, while others who make $140,000 end up not being able to eat together every day, divorced, and unfulfilled.  Why do we hear people who have returned from poor countries consistently report, “The people are so happy, and even though they have nothing they invite you into their home and share whatever they have.” 

This is a fundamental paradigm shift, one I hope to make very clear and brief: If success is measured by excess, then the greater your success, the greater your capacity for generosity is minimized instead of enhanced.  

As excess, you store and lock away your resources in the form of car and house payments, jewelry that lives in dark boxes, clothes and shoes that are worn a few times a year, and fancy subscriptions and gadgets that further isolate us as a modern society. These unnecessary but desirable things are the hallmarks of success, and they steal resources from other areas of our lives. To have excess, you must work more then necessary, and own more then what is needed. Where is the capacity for relationship, philanthropy, generosity, mentorship or even simple connection that is fundamental to what we as human beings are absolutely dependent on? This commitment to success at the expense of larger life priorities is the rat-race we all despise as a culture. 

In impoverished places and spaces where there is no opportunity for excess, the culture simply shifts to another metric for success.  The most basic metric; that you are not a jerk.  A jerk, defined as one who is “a contemptibly obnoxious person” is most easily characterized as a person who does not share, who thinks they are more important then others, and generally antagonistic to the values of the group.  The classic jerk is the high-school quarterback in teen movies: the wealthy, entitled bully who despite resource and influence lacks a sense of responsibility to his peers.  He could help, but chooses not to, and in the end his sophomoric worldview is proven unfulfilling. In contrast, the underdog, being willing to give what he has in effort or compassion or ability, is able to gain favor and be the hero.  We know this story because we believe this metric to be valid.  No one respects a jerk, regardless of how much success they have.

If you want to prove to strangers that you are not in low-income by plastering your clothes and accessories with expensive brands, then you have accomplished your goal. Strangers know that you can afford nice things, but no one assumes you are a nice person.  If instead you saved that resource by wearing off label clothes and bought a coffee for the person behind you, then you have proven to strangers that you are a nice person.  No one cares how little excess you have if you are a nice person, nor do people care how much success or excess you have if you are a jerk. 

I invite you to consider the rat-race we all feel compelled to run as we battle the internal struggle of what we deserve, what we want, and what we need.  Science has proven repeatedly that money, as an incentive, will drastically reduce performance.  And people at the end of life regret things they did not do more then the things they did. Also that joy is found more fully in human connection then in anything else, even career or massive success.  Even the bible had something to say regarding this when Mathew wrote, “Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” He does not suggest being forever down on yourself, but humbled and thankful for what you do have.  If we allow our goals of excess to be the evidence of our success, we risk missing out on a life of meaning and fulfillment. 

If life is a race, and you were running to be your best, then you have to give it all you have and end up on the finish line exhausted.  Do not leave this world with dreams and goals and conversations and passions unexplored.  Leave this world having done what you believe is most important. Spend every minute and every dollar exactly the way you want to be remembered for.  Having much and giving little will make you an empty and lonely jerk. Having little and giving much, that is nothing short of a hero. 

Excess as a measure of success is a trap. Fight the urge to measure yourself or accept the measuring of others by what you wear or what you own.  It is what you do as a reflection of who you are that actually matters. What you wear and own should reflect your priorities and character, not be a costume in this depraved, strip-club glorifying society that brands want you to buy.  Put your money and time where your priorities are. 

Period.