The extent of one’s badassery exists on two stages; how you think people see you, and how you see yourself.  Many of us had superhero’s in our life, and our journey into the life of service in Medicine was an exploration of how we could become the hero's we looked up to. But like most career’s, after you are in it a while the perspective starts to change.  Being a hero is remarkably thankless and oftentimes disappointing.  Many people will hear about a normal day at my work and with their jaws in their lap say, “Wow, I could never do what you do. You must be so ______”.  Whatever the descriptor is: brave, smart, compassionate, caring; It is not what I set out to be.  In fact, I would say that I am not, whatever you think I am. Most of the time I go through my day Feeling Stupid.

If you are trying to become a better person, you have to start that journey where you are.  Having the immeasurable stress and responsibility of trying to not kill somebody, or in the case of my Flight Crew colleagues kill yourself, is not the space to test how brave you think you are. Bravery, often mistaken for foolishness, does not a hero make.  The risk is not what the Medical Provider derives pride and respect and honor from.  Acrobats, tightrope walkers, professional climbers and Extreme Sports athletes get their reward in proportion to the risk they take. The more dangerous, the more respect for what they have accomplished. They risk themselves, and when successful, honor themselves.  Medicine is completely different, whether you are hanging out of a helicopter, or holding a dying child.  

This is not a gamble of risk. This is a commitment to your responsibility. 

We in medicine take responsibility for the wellbeing of others while they are in our care.  We are responsible for providing the medication, environment, safety, physiologic and psychologic support necessary to heal through an event.  We risk heartache, we risk being responsible for a death.  It does not take a brave person to do what we do, it takes commitment to one's craft, and devoting every day to being the kind of person who tolerates no apathy in the execution of their responsibilities.   

Why would anybody want this job? There is only one reason that people will respect, and only one that will bring any sense of joy or personal life satisfaction.

I must.